What do you get when you mix the plot of mark Twain's Prince and the Pauper, jokes lifted from the feature film 9 to 5, a satirical look at the adult film industry, and a budget that must have struggled to reach four figures? Surprisingly, you get an engaging, sometimes erotic and often amusing film, Once Upon A Secretary from 1983. Sharon (Alexis X.) is a typical secretary in downtown Manhattan. She takes dictation for her boss (Bobby Astyr), but gives much more in return. Unfortunately, his attentions toward her are constantly distracted, and he's got to get back to a wife and kids in Scarsdale, leaving her to fend for herself. Nina (Pamela Louise) is a porn actress whose on-screen performance leaves no room for her live-in boyfriend. Imagine the effect on a fragile male ego when your partner falls asleep during cunnilingus! Fortunately, there is a next-door neighbour (a literal walk-on role for Kelly Nichols) who is ready, willing, and able. Before too long the most unusual threesome in adult films occurs, with one participant fast asleep. Soon Sharon is forced to entertain "clients" the same way she does her boss, and gets fed up with her lack of satisfaction. Meanwhile, Nina leaves film to try a more "steady" job as an erotic dancer, but gets carried away with her customers and is carried off the stage by her boyfriend. Through a contrived set of coincidences that could only happen in movies, the girls swap careers and adapt very nicely. Alexis and Pamela are definitely two of the more attractive actresses in porn today, and convey an air of eroticism in everything they do from masturbation to lesbianism to handling two guys at once. Strangely enough, the film works despite a budget whose main expense must have been for shower curtains. The cheapness of the one set is complemented by a tongue-in-cheek sense of humour that runs through the film. The porn filming section starts with a spoof of the business and ends with the age-old question, "What do you do when the cameraman didn't get the climax shot and the star is unable to repeat?" The cuteness is evident, especially when the two girls meet in a lesbian scene that Nina says is obligatory for any aspiring porn queen. The sex in Secretary is not as hot as in some other films, but if your looking for an entertaining movie that features women's yearnings as well as men's, (plus several good sex scenes), then the film is definitely worth your attention. This was Ron Jeremy's second directorial effort and show his promising future off-screen. Cast: Alexis X., Pamela Louise (Pamela Mann), R. Bolla, Jerry Butler, Samantha Fox, Kelly Nichols, Bobby Astyr, Veronica Hart
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